Anxiety, Depression, and Self-Harm Recovery

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Last Updated on November 26, 2020 by Lyle Murphy

Before coming to Alternative to Meds Center, I was lost beyond the brink of depression, anxiety and pure misery.

Before coming to Alternative to Meds Center, I was lost beyond the brink of depression, anxiety and pure misery. I spent my days wallowing in my sorrows, lying in bed hours on end, eating myself to death and cutting my arms until they could bleed no more. I have the scars to prove it. I viewed myself as nothing more than a diagnosis, a word randomly picked out of a psychiatrist’s dictionary.

In my mind I was “sick,” I was “disabled.” I was the living, breathing form of the word depression. During my time here, I have learned that I can choose to not let my diagnoses define who I am. I can choose to be who I was truly meant to be and that person doesn’t have to include being permanently sick or depressed. I have learned that I am capable and I am worthwhile and no labels can stop me from living the life I want.

I have faced my bulimia, I have stared the enemy directly in the eye. I have also faced the harsh reality of the core reasons why I don’t love myself and that has not been easy. But I am all the more strong because of it.

Yes, it is true that there is a lot of darkness that exists in this journey we call life. But one of the greatest gifts I have learned to appreciate about myself is that I have the courage to see the light within.

The following is a poem I wrote about how I am like a phoenix, rising from the ashes, starting anew and seeing the beauty within my soul.

Sunflower Soul – 8/30/16
The darkness may seem too
great to overcome,
However it is in our weakest
moments we learn to
laugh and we learn to love.
A girl once lost in the vast
and raging sea
is born from the fire like
a phoenix and grows upward
into the unknown as a
sapling becomes a powerful tree.
Forgetting the scars and tattooing love,
sometimes shedding tears
of inner-peace proves to be enough
Just remember that your spirit
is a master of resilience
and your expanded soul is
glimmering with its unique brilliance.
A sunflower tilts its petals to the light
and so does the human soul and through
perseverance it becomes bright.
If it were an easier task
to turn your face to the sun,
It wouldn’t be half as special
a gift when it was done.
Thus be like a sunflower
and let your yellow joy be
spread, your seeds blow in the wind
and let yourself be free.

– Nicole F.

Anxiety, Depression, and Self-Harm Recovery
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